Broken Shield and Sword

Just three this year:

1. Watch Blood+. If it fits, I might cosplay Saya, since I have her short hair and her costume’s quite simple. If not, it’s an anime to keep an eye out for anyway, been interested in it for quite some time.

2. Cosplay Count D. I don’t care, I’m going to make it happen SOMEHOW.

3. Write a chapter each day, or a short story each day.

On another note: THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS FOR YOUR WORDS. I am truly sorry to have worried you, m(_._)m

Edit: Thanks everyone! I’m so sorry to have worried you! m(_-_)m

This is a pretty morbid entry on the last day of the year.

Ever had those days when something hits you, and hits you hard? So much so that you sometimes don’t realise that it’s hit?

I just had one of those days.

It’s very likely that today, 31 December 2006, may be my last day on Earth. No, it’s not me emo-ing or anything. I really do feel as though I may not live beyond New Year’s Day. It’s just something that’s telling me that today, it will be your last day on Earth, so be prepared. I have an inkling of what today will bring, right up till midnight, but after that, it’s a blank. I have no idea how I’m going to die, except that it might be an accident. Where is it? Most likely after the countdown, at the place where I’ll be working. Random, I know.

But this is not meant to be a post to say that “Look, I’m clairvoyant!” I had a small gift of that when I was in college, and it sort of died when I was doing my final term in college, and to a large extent I’m very glad it did. Was it a true gift? I don’t know. I know that I did not relish telling people what I saw about them (especially Ti, I’m sorry about that demon thing). Was it a warning? Yes, perhaps.

It’s such a strong feeling at times that you could not help but pay attention to it. The same thing with today. Just sort of hit me that today will be my last day. So yes, I’ve not been more scared in my life. There is a lot of things that I wish I could have confessed to the Father, but I left the church without doing so, being afraid. All I could think about was that I had to come home and tell people that I loved them. My parents I’ll wait till they get home, but since I’m in front of the comp now, I might as well tell all those who are reading this instead.

I love my friends and adopted family for the support you guys have given me. I apologise for not being the best friend I could, for the selfishness I’ve shown, the broken promises, the times I’ve let you down, the times I’ve been tactless, the times I’ve been nothing more than an attention whore, the times I’ve been abused your shoulders for my own emotional wrecks that I should have carried myself. I’m sorry for all the times I’ve ignored you deliberately, for the times I hated you (even if I’ve never shown it), for the times I’ve screwed up over something I should know better (this especially goes to all my colleagues), the times I’ve put you all under pressure while not doing my own part as well.

I’m thankful for the chance to meet you all. For the chance to get to know you, to be allowed to care for you, and especially thankful to those who have made me feel like a family member. I’m thankful for your entry into my life, no matter how short or long it is. I’m thankful for you guys enriching my life, and at many points in time, showing me where I should go, for being a hand that reached out to me when I was drowning. Thank you for putting up with my insanity, my crazy plans and schemes, my randomness, my hyperness, for having me as your colleague and showing me what to do, for giving me the chance to make me feel useful.

Thank you so much.

For my real life family, in case they don’t know (and please note… for my eulogy, I’d rather have a friend read it. DO NOT LET MY UNCLE ALOYSIUS READ! If someone’s going to do it, I’d rather someone from my generation, either Onii-chan, dimmie, ti, whoever who feels inspired to do so), please tell them that even though I’m an ingrate daughter, I LOVE THEM. No matter what happens, even if I argue with her and I can sometimes curse at her behind her back, she’s my mother. I love her, no matter what. I’m sorry if I never got the chance to really show you mom, but I really do love you. For my dad.. Let’s just say that yes, I love him in my own special way, but I’m biased towards mom. Even if I do join my bro in tag-teaming her sometimes.

For my cousins, especially the little ones… OMG YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE!!! JIE JIE LOVES YOU ALL VERY MUCH, MAKE SURE YOU LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS OK? AND IF THERE IS POLITICKING IN THE FAMILY, IGNORE THE ADULTS AND JUST HAVE FUN ON YOUR OWN. Live life the way you choose to, not others.

To everyone else… Thank you.

Lovingly
Me.

Image heavy thread!

http://img.7chan.org/cat/res/7162.html#i7162

In case you’re wondering about the massive amount of spam that I’ve been posting on Geminianeyes, it’s because I’ve discovered my old keyboard, the one that makes a heck of a lot of noise when you type. It’s just so much easier using this keyboard to type compared to the other Logitech one, so I think I’ll keep on using it. I like it.

And if you’re expecting a reflective post, that might come up after the new year. Let’s just say that this year has been a fairly good year for me, career-wise, a bad one for me relationships-wise, and family wise, so so.

I’m glad I got to cosplay, even if it was NOT what I wanted to though.

The categories should let you guys know where this comes from. ^_^

The night had been cold.

She was curled up in the blanket like a little kitten. He had watched her fall asleep, then curl as the cold got to her. Getting up, he put a blanket around her, making sure she was warm. She purred in reply. When he was sure that she was asleep, he went to the bedroom balcony. Taking a packet of herbs out of his pocket, he sniffed them, the narcotics immediately going to his brain. His mind was clearer and he felt sharper. The view outside the balcony was beautiful, but the small lights and fires that lit up the landscape hid an even greater danger.

He sighed.

A hint of the narcotic hers he had been inhaling wafted back into the room, and the girl, who had a sharp nose, sneezed. She woke up, saw the door slightly ajar, and got out of bed to close it. Once done, she went back to bed to sleep. He turned around, annoyed, but let it be and instead looked up to enjoy the night sky. Though it was cold, the sky was cloudless, and the stars blinked cheerfully at him. They were merry little things, and he found that he was not annoyed, but rather, resigned.

Taking a last sniff at the herbs, he threw the packet over the balcony and went back into the room, sitting on the chair next to the bed, looking troubled. He did not notice her toes peeking out from the edge of the blanket, twitching. When she began mumbling though, he turned his attention to her, anticipating what would come next. She sat up as though she had just woken from a nightmare, throwing the blanket off herself. Looking dazedly around her, she noticed him through the sleep fog clouding her mind. Cocking her head to one side, she opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off by leaning forward to hold her arms.

“Hmm?” she mumbled, still not quite fully awake. With her looking at him like that, he felt helpless.

“You should go back to sleep.” He stood up and made her lie down again, tucking her in as though she was a child, even though they were close in age.

“But you looked so sad.” He ignored her and kissed her forehead instead.

He went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, aware that she was probably holding the blanket up to her nose and peeking at him. Filling the glass with water from the wooden tap, he stared at it, not realising that it was full and spilling over. When the water had fallen over his hand, he closed the tap, moving almost dreamlike. He did not hear her get off the bed and hug him from the back, her cheek against his back. She mumbled something, but he did not need to hear her words to know her question.

“I would overflow…” he answered, just loud enough for her to hear.

“From?” She moved her head back. He turned to face her, pushing her away gently.

“You.”

Her quizzical look made him turn away quickly, and he walked into the room as though to avoid her. The glass of water he had left forgotten and untouched on a table. She followed him into the room, watching as he picked up a small pouch to be fastened to his belt. She sat at the bed, confused as to what she may have done for him to be so angry at her.

“I’m going out for a bit. You should get some rest,” he did not look at her.

“Alright,” she said in a small voice, wrapping herself in the blanket and sitting with her back to the wall on the bed.

The thoughts whirling in his head were a mass of tangled ideas, emotions and sensations. He paused in the living room where she could not see him, and waited, his eyes alighting on the papers and the pen. When he heard only her steady breathing, indicating that she had fallen asleep, he wrote a quick note to her and walked out of the house. The world was cruel to have forced him to this, he thought, regretting leaving her like that.

He kept on walking, into the darkness. It was not long before it found him, and swallowed him.

Who would have predicted that her actions would have been to follow him into that same darkness?

Currently a song I’m looping now to remind myself that I have people who love me.

Japanese was taken from here:

hajimari wa itsudemo owari no kanjisaseru kedo
iro wa senaiyaidatte doko kami aru to shinjiteru
sukisarishi hibi wa yagate futari ni eien no ini wo kizamu darou

kobore wo jii ta kizutsukete kimi wo komaraseta
namida no tazu kakeru hyaku no shiawase
tsukuri dasu yo kanada zuma yo wazu nichikau yo
tenshiro youna sono e mi wo mamoru kara

doko made mo yori sotte yume o katari tsukuseru nara
donna ni kyu na sakamichi wo kotobarezu ni no bore sossa
furidashita ame ni kase mo sasazu ni suguni hareru yo to hohoenda

kobore wo jiru namida wa kimi no nakade nemuri
kono sora wo aozora ni kaete yuku
sagashite iru ikite iru imi to sono wa te o
nan to naku tsukami hajimete iru you
kobore wo jiru namida wa kimi no nakade nemuri
tsuki tooru odayaka na kaze ni naru
sagashite iru ikite iru imi to sono wa te o
sukoshi zutsu kimi ga tsutaete yuku yo

You take the tears I cried and lift me up to the bluer skies
Yes, you gave me hope and meaning to my life, I love you so
You never asked me why, just smiled and took all the tears I cried
Baby, now I know what love is and what I am living for…

English under cut, as usual! I’ll post the Romanji once I find them.

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This can be considered defamatory, so if you don’t want to read about him, don’t.
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Thought I’d use Geminianeyes for this one.

THAT IS ALL.