An open letter

September 28, 2005

An open letter to a friend of mine. You know who you are. Shut up, read, and if you still consider yourself my friend, drop me a line. By email, SMS, I don’t care. If you don’t, at least have the courtesy to tell me anyway.

Dear friend whom I would like to name but won’t due to privacy concerns (and the reason why I deleted your comment),

When I said that once I give my loyalty to someone, I meant it. If I consider you my friend, there’s nearly next to nothing that will make me change my mind, short of betrayal. This means that even if you are angsty, I don’t care. It’s one thing if I know why you’re angsty. It’s quite another when I don’t. Either way, doesn’t change the fact that I still consider you my friend.

As cliche as it sounds, communication is the best way to keep friendships going. I’d appreciate it if you tell me why you’re angsty. Note though, that this behaviour of yours has been going on for two months now. I’m counting from the time in late June, I believe. You have been angsty since then, and most of us (not only me) are pissed off by that. You have not told any of us why you are angsty, and you seem to think that it is your right to be so. Fine, it is, but you do not have the right to drag everyone else down with you. However, that is merely a reference.

I admit that most of the time, I do more talking than I should. I should be listening more than I should be yakking away. That doesn’t mean that you can’t stop me. There are not many people that I give permission to tell me to STFU. I do not tolerate rudeness to a certain extent, and you should know damn well by now that I give very few permission to be rude to me. Bee and you are two such people. Only a few friends, and those I consider to be close to my heart have that priviledge.

So you’ve stumbled in life. You’ve fallen. Who hasn’t? We’ve all got bruised knees and hearts. You admitted that you were still a boy. Then GROW UP! The heartache isn’t going to go away anytime soon. (Or it will, depending on how you look at it). Did you think I had it easy when I broke up with my ex?

It wasn’t.

Knowing that he was going to be in the arms of another girl, that I couldn’t hold him anymore, that I lost the man whom I thought I was going to be with forever, THAT HURT! Every time I see him, my heart bled a little. It still does to an extent. Till today I’m still not sure whether I’m over him, but I’ve chosen to make the best of what I can. I picked myself up, dusted my knees, and began walking again. I wasn’t going to bring in emotional baggage if I could. But if you found someone to help you carry them and then throw them (the baggage) off a cliff, isn’t that a joyous occasion? I’ll put it in simple terms; part of the reason why I got together with him was because he was prepared for my emotional baggage. He accepted it. As selfish as it may sound, it was not something that I want to lay on you.

What I really am angry about is the fact that you chose NOT to tell me about this. That is all, really. You’re behaving like a small kid who has been rejected (which is a very bad metaphor, but it serves in this case) and is now throwing a tantrum. I’d have no problems if the issue was with me, but you’ve chosen to let it spill over to places and people that aren’t really involved. That’s what pisses me off. It’s unbecoming of you and it’s quite unprofessional.

Like I said before, there were times when I considered you a man. You’re not immature, you’re just a coward. And no matter what people say, it’s easier to fight cowardice than it is to fight immaturity. I should know, I’ve been through that school.

By that same token, I’m not going to stop being friends with you simply because you’ve been angsty the past few weeks. Like I said, so what? You’re still my friend. We’re humans. None of us are perfect. Just because you’re angsty, you thought I wanted to stop being your friend? Please! It seems like you’re the one who doesn’t know me well enough.

If this letter causes you even more hurt, then I am sorry. However, buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih. Good night.

Sincerely,
Me.

PS: If this seems too angsty for you, it’s because I wrote this at night. When I was about to sleep. Gomen.

Comments have been disabled because I said so. If you want to comment, I have a saybox for a reason, ppl! :p Sorry if I seem curt, guys. We now return to your regularly-scheduled dose of insanity.

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