Being locked out

June 7, 2006

I really shouldn’t be surprised that he locked me out. I should have done so from the beginning, removing him from my friends list, but I couldn’t. In my heart, I keep wishing that I could turn back the clock, go back to him, even wishing that I was pregnant so that I have a reason to go back.

But I can’t, and I won’t. Not until he stops manipulating, until he realises that lies are never a subsititute for truth, and this world doesn’t need any more matryrs. Nothing kills a girl faster than indifference, and that was exactly what he was doing.

In the beginning it was great, but later on..? Indifference. And no, no crap about loving everyone the same. That wasn’t the issue, it was how you supposedly showed you cared about me. You didn’t seem interested, and you didn’t seem to care. That was why I had so much hope when we first got back together on Friday. I know I said that I just wanted you to stop manipulating me, and we were supposed to start from the beginning…

However, by Sunday/ Monday it seemed that you haven’t changed. I suppose what I was looking for was a partner, someone to stand by me and someone whom I could support; a like-minded partner who wouldn’t be afraid of what I wanted to do, and vice versa. I supposed I wanted an equal.

Someone who would listen and reply to me, someone who yes, would help me reach my dreams, or at the very least, someone clear-headed enough to know when I was asking a simple yes or no question.

All I wanted to know whether I could trust you or if you could build me up. And you couldn’t even answer those questions.

Looks like you’re shifting the blame again.

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