I need my afternoon nap

September 1, 2007

Yes I realise I sound like a kid whining, but consider this.

Last afternoon, I tried to grab a few hours shut eye but I keep getting interrupted, either by my parents, my bro, the phone, my stomach growling for lunch… In the end I gave up, went out for a late lunch (think 4 pm) with my bro. Came back, was awake for a few hours, and decided to take another nap at 7, supposedly waking up at 9.

I woke up at about 7++ just now. AM. Just a little short of 12 hours sleep. I didn’t even hear my phone beep!

Orz.

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Addictions

August 22, 2007

I get addicted to things too easily:

Addicted to being lazy
Addicted to listening to Defying Gravity
Addicted to… Sigh.

Dates!

July 20, 2007

Today is 20-07-07. Aka 20072007.

Now, how often do you see a date like that? Wishing everyone a great day!

Experimentation

July 7, 2007

Been using this for a few days now, and there is a noticeble difference. The scrub is apparently safe enough to be used daily, and I have been using it daily. My skin feels cleaner and more refreshed, and it looks a little bit more whiter to me, but then again, that could just be the perasan-ness of me talking. 😛

No, I’m too lazy to post a pic. 😛

Simple Thoughts

June 7, 2007

No, this is not a long rambly post masquerading as a simple post. This is just a collection of simple thoughts… which are very random. XD

First off, financials.

Was in the car today and thinking about my financial status. Yes, I’m over budget again, and it looks like moving out this year is just a dream. Was thinking of what would I do if I had a lot of extra cash (read: about RM19-20k). The first thing that came to mind was that I would use that money to pay off my PTPTN. Once that was over, I would have a little extra cash and would be able to concentrate on saving money for other things. Whenever I have extra, I would channel it to cancel any existing debts I have. The thought that resulted from that was that I played defensive with my money. This was a comment that was made by my real godfather when I was playing Cashflow (A money game).

This then led me to think about how I conducted my life. For most part, people seem to think that I take foolish risks or small ones that might embarrassing moments, but nothing of real life-changing consequence (aka MLM and other various, get-rich schemes). I tend to live a very cautious life, where I get to spoil people I love and care for, rather than to gamble it all. This applies to some extent to my religion as well. I don’t believe in the Church or the current interpretations of the Gospel, nor the concept of sin (much) but I still believe in a Deity that guards us. Does He/She/It have a destiny planned? Maybe yes, maybe no. What they are perhaps is a guiding light in our lives.

Yet I still go to church, partially to satisfy my parents, but mainly because I love sitting in the prayer room, in a quiet place, in a quiet atmosphere. I’ll sit there and pray, just close my eyes or open my lips and begin talking. It’s a sanctuary from the outside world. I don’t go for Mass anymore. What the priest says, it’s something that I can’t accept, not now. Especially not when I’ve been told by people that the Homily, which essentially is the only part of the Mass that a priest gets to choose what they’re going to talk about, is supposedly the most important part of the Mass. I’m sorry, but I find that hard to swallow.

Some priests do say Homilies that make a lot of sense to me, but the majority still have that “OMG YOU SIN YOU REPENT NOW OR HELL YOU GO!!” Guilting me into coming to church? Sorry, not going to work. I come because of I want to meet Him/Her/It, not because I’m afraid that I need to get into His good graces. After all, my relationship with Him is personal, isn’t it? He’s like the friend you meet up once a week or so to catch up on things.

This seems defensive to some because it looks like I’m covering all my bases, which is true, to an extent. I don’t usually play agressively unless I know that I can win, it’s a calculated risk, or that it will make someone smile (yes, to the extent of embarrasing myself, which would put some “stupid” and “silly” incidents into perspective now, won’t it? Please note that yes I have done some genuine mistakes, but how would you know that? -cheeky-).

… That turned out to be a rather long thought. 😛

Other thoughts that I’ve had:

I’m a Gemini, which some says means I have a dual personality. It’s not so much as dual personalities as it is switching between the best personality to deal with the situation. I know that I call them muses, but at the same time they’re different aspects of my personality. Ed, Id and Superego? Not quite, considering that I have oh I dunno… Five of them? Or was it four? Either way, they’ve all manifested themselves in one or other. Where’s the real Me? Now that’s a answer I’d like to know as well.

Attention span fleeting. I suppose that’s why I’m ending this entry now. Jya~

And my urge to write fiction seems to have slowly waned.

In a way that’s a good thing; I’ve been caught up in my fiction work that I seem to have my head in the clouds for far too long, that for a while, it seemed like I was doing nothing but hiding myself in Naoko and Sukina’s personas. Have also been hanging out with a group of friends who don’t know me that well, so when I hang out with my collegemates I find it hard to talk to them.

Naoko and Sukina formed a defensive shell for me when I was going through some of the hardest times of my life, mainly socially. It was hard for me to say no, harder still for me to state my opinions. The worst part was admitting to myself that I wanted some things simply because I was being selfish, that I didn’t want to be lonely, that I wanted to do things for me, rather than having an external reason as an excuse. I normally used that whenever I’m talking to my parents.

In a lot of ways, I haven’t grown up. I haven’t told my parents who I’m seeing, although they know that I’m seeing someone. I haven’t told my parents that I cosplay (though only once a year for the sake of my wallet and my brain) and that I hang out with a bunch of otakus because I want to (I know that there are two cousins monitoring this blog, so I’d appreciate it if this does not get back to our relatives), and not because I need friends.

I haven’t been honest to them because I’m afraid of what they might think of me. Although they no longer have the power to ban me or to enforce childish punishments (my mom still thinks she can ban me from going out, which she can’t) I still find it hard to overcome the childhood programming and to do my own things on my own time. While it may seem selfish that I’m going against what they wanted of me, I’ve made my choice.

I’m my own person, not my parents. I’ve done what I’ve done till now because of the choices I make, no matter how mortifying or embarrassing. I’ve made my choice to walk on this road. Regardless of the consequences.

I suppose it’s time for me to take responsibility for my own actions rather than relying on my parents to get me out of it.

That was a long rant.

Belated edit: My house was attacked by termites and we didn’t really know about it till last weekend. I lost two old idea books because the termites had made them into a nest. DAMN YOU TERMITES!!! Lucky for me most of my info was in my brain, but it still stung!

Random thoughts

May 24, 2007

… In the morning. This is the reason why I should not be left to my own devices for too long. Not to mention looking at Karcy’s and Lainie’s journals have inspired this morning’s style.

On Fonts:

From the time I learnt how to change fonts, I’ve always loved playing around with them. No, not in my blog posts or anything (I learnt the hard way when I was in college what playing with fonts does to your fledging journal and sometimes IE layout, yes it was pre-Firefox then), but rather when I wrote for the sheer joy of writing.

For the longest time, since I started working last year, I’ve been content with writing in normal, plain fonts like Verdana, Arial and Helvetica. Not to say that they aren’t nice fonts, but they’re merely functional. There’s a difference for me. I still prefer serif fonts like Book Antiqua, Papyrus, Bookman Old Style, Georgia, Garamond, Courier New, all the fonts that looks like they came from a calligraphy class in the Middle Ages. Whenever I see them, I feel like writing and writing and writing. There’s a certain sense of Romanticism associated with those fonts for me. It feels warmer and more intimate; more personal.

Which is why I’m slowly changing the fonts on my comp back to those fonts again. It’s simply love, and it’s sad that most people don’t seem to appreciate them. I wonder how many of us really miss those old, warm fonts.

~~~~~

On Gaia

Was reading this book last week called “Technogenesis,” which basically says that if you’re connected to the Net 24/7 and it’s via your mind instead of a keyboard or anything, there is a chance that there would be an artificial intelligence that would pop up from the connectivity of the minds. While it was an interesting thought, it was to give birth to another thought: People have long said that our Earth was sentient, that Gaia was an entity. I was thinking this as I walked to my office in the hot 8am sun: Could it be true? Some say that the Earth will repair herself, but I was thinking to myself, that if the Currents in the ocean has already stopped, is Mother Nature going to move it again soon, considering the amount of gasses we now have in the atmosphere, would she be able to continue renewing herself or would she simply stop?

Because it has been speculated that our thoughts give rise to Artificial Intelligence and that we all have an aura, couldn’t Gaia have come this aura and is actually a sentient being that we cannot see nor feel because she is not a corporeal being but rather a spirit, like a Goddess, being in everything and anything yadda yadda… I should be careful when I’m being random.

~~~~~

On Songs

Tamaki is Blond. Solomon is blond. Tamaki LOOKS foreign. Solomon IS foreign. Tamaki is full of himself. Solomon is quietly confident. Tamaki angsts in the shadow, and his hair becomes curly. Solomon angsts in the dark and his hair IS curly.

Is there any reason why when Guilty Beauty Love plays I think of Solomon even though it’s Tamaki’s song?

/Random.

According to this Malay article, one should stay with one’s husband even though he beats her up because his friends have egged him on. (Summary here)

She’s been married for 5 months, pregnant for three. Their life is middle-class. Husband’s friends are apparently jealous of their happiness, and so have urged the husband to leave her by making her look bad. Her husband has taken to fits of anger, beating her till she’s blue and black, not to mention insulting her with coarse words.

She’s staying him because of her unborn child, and asks Dang Setia (sort of like an Agony Aunt, I think) and what does the woman counsel?

When a husband can be enflamed by his friends to be violent to you even though you’re pregnant, I think that he may not be able to handle the stress of married life. *Insert content here about how married life may not be as simple as it looks because couples discover more about each other after marriage and the disillusionment of it all*

She then continues to say (and this is the part that horrifies me the most),With that in mind, I want you to be patient and don’t be too implusive, even though he’s doing mistakes and behaving inappropriately towards you. Instead, I want you to give him time for him to recognise that you’re a real person and not just a piece of glass as his friends have mentioned.”

…. Am I the only one who feels like she’s about to throw up??? THE WOMAN IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP! She’s pregnant, being beaten up, and you tell her to suck it and take it?

No wonder most people consider Malay papers to be trash. The saddest part of all? People would be inclined to think that it’s ok to give the husband time and to let him beat the woman up, because after all, he’s doing it because he doesn’t know her that well. THEN HOW THE HECK DID THEY END UP GETTING MARRIED?

No wonder most people in this country take abuse. We apparently don’t see it as one because the other side doesn’t know it.

Amusing

May 21, 2007

I am so horribly amused today. XD

Morning person

April 19, 2007

Once I’m up, I’m up. Once I’ve had my coffee, I’m awake and feeling productive. Once I’m hyper… ^_^

In honour of those who died in the Virginia Tech massacre:

One Day Blog Silence

Lost lives of the young is the most painful of all, for a life yet unlived, unexplored, undone.

Love
Naoko